Post 13

I Threw Up //

[Warning: Depressing and Dramatic Topic]

Be mindful of what you eat; the next day, you can be sitting on the toilet for 3 hours if you weren't.

I'll be honest; I was feeling depressed yesterday. Who am I kidding? I am mostly depressed every day. I want to change that, but I am not certain how to. Changing your perception is one of the main ways to do it, but you also have to put faith into it for it to move --almost like putting fuel in a car. I have drained and tired myself to the point where I can't get out of bed. I want to do nothing more than go into that eternal night. It's dramatic --I know I could be extra, but I simply want to die. I don't know what I am living for, and I don't know if I am willing to take any path. It doesn't entertain me, the idea of doing anything when men and women have already done the greatest and boldest things; where do I fit in? I feel lost in a world so full of itself that I can't say anything to change it or... I don't know what I am typing anymore.

For all I know, I just sound like an average crazy man putting himself on display for people to watch and criticize. I am nothing but an example for people to see me and try to avoid being like me. That is all I see myself as --a stepping stone for the greats to stand on.

No, I don't know anything. All I have ever known is how to accept defeat and live with it. I'm not dying any time soon. I need to see why I still want to live and why I deal with BS even though I'm not moving anywhere.

So don't be afraid, till next time,

- Toothpick